United Benefice of Leatherhead and Mickleham
Rev Dr Kuhan Satkunanayagam

from the August 2011 Parish of Leatherhead magazine
Rev Kuhan Satkunanayagam writes:

You will probably have read some of my life history in a previous issue of the parish magazine but I thought it might be good to share some of my journey of faith that has led me to ordained ministry.

I was born to into a Hindu family but we hardly ever used to go to the temple. I think while I was growing up I was looking for spirituality and did not find it the rituals of Hinduism. The school environment I was in was predominantly Christian and Anglican and I soon joined the Christian Union. There was a Canadian missionary group that had come to the local area on mission and came to our school. It was at a prayer meeting they held in Epsom that I prayed a prayer committing my life to Jesus. I was thirteen at the time.

Naturally my parents were concerned and resistant to my becoming a Christian, worried that I was being influenced and brainwashed. While at school my mother had also attended a Christian Union but for her it was a phase and she went back to Hinduism when she left school. I think for a long time she thought it would be a phase for me too. I followed confirmation classes at school but my parents refused to allow me to be baptised or confirmed. Going to church was difficult but with time this became less problematic.

My journey of faith did not have an easy start and for many, many years was quiet and hidden. Important steps have been during times of retreat. I was recommended an eight-day Ignatian guided retreat and remember being warned that it could change your life! I had a very powerful experience on my first Ignatian retreat and a real sense that my faith went up a level during that time.

Reflecting on God's love for me was an amazing experience and there was a growing sense during that retreat of what was my response to that love. For me I felt a calling to respond practically, making a public declaration of my love for God through baptism. A few weeks after my retreat I was baptised by full immersion at Holy Trinity Brompton Road and later that year confirmed by the Bishop of Guildford in Epsom.

Since my first retreat I became more involved in church activities both at St Barnabas and Holy Trinity. At St Barnabas I was a member of the PCC and a Communion Assistant, as well as being a member of a house group. My involvement at Holy Trinity was more limited but I regularly attended a pastorate of which I was on the leadership team. There was nobody in my generation at St Barnabas and I went to Holy Trinity to have fellowship with people my age. For a number of years I have also attended Home Focus, Holy Trinity's teaching week away in Suffolk.

For over six years I have had spiritual direction. I have met with my director on a monthly basis and found this to be a very rich and rewarding experience. It has been a wonderful opportunity to explore aspects of my life in relation to my faith and a space to talk openly about my journey with God. My directors have all had an interest in Ignatian spirituality and have helped me start my own spiritual discipline of doing an Ignatian Examen of Consciousness.

With time I have tailored this specifically to my own unique relationship with God. This process was helped by another retreat where my guide and I spent a lot of time on personal vocation. Dancing with God was the theme of the sermon preached at my baptism, which was on Trinity Sunday that year and that has always been a very powerful and useful image to meditate on.

The main impression I have is a sense of me dancing with the Trinity, joining in with the dynamic and flowing connection with Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Through creative visualisation and meditation, I was encouraged to have conversations with God, and through this I felt a sense of calling which I recorded both through writing and painting. From this process of meditation and imaginative prayer I had a sense of my personal vocation being to dance with God, and from this a sense of calling to teach others to dance and have a personal relationship with God.

From what I have read, vocation and role are separate and vocation can be expressed through different roles and for me this included being a priest. My sense of calling to ordained ministry has grown over the past few years and been encouraged through my spiritual direction. I went to my parish priest a number of years ago and discussing priesthood I expected him to say the normal response to do everything rather than being a priest, however he said to me that he did not find himself saying that to me. I found that rather disturbing and it took me a good year to overcome that sense of fear, with the most frightening feeling of daring to believe that this is what God could want for my life. Again with encouragement from my spiritual director, I began to explore this vocation more actively.

The process of selection for training was rigorous and intense, but at the same time very affirming and in many ways my sense of vocation grew through the process. My two years at Cranmer Hall have been very challenging and stimulating, plunging straight into the second year of a degree programme with no prior formal theological education. One of my tutors told me that spiritually a year at theological college is like ten years in daily life and I do believe my faith has matured and grown rapidly in the hothouse environment of residential training. I am really excited to be serving my curacy with you all and I know that I will learn and develop much more in the next few years.

Christine, Theo and I are already feeling very welcomed and look forward to being part of the God's family here in Leatherhead. If I have not met you already, I look forward to meeting you in the days and weeks ahead.